The Journey to Myself. Part IV

After my interview at the embassy, I walked back to my car. My emotions and my mind were frozen. Like a robot, I entered the car and sent a message to my friend estimating my arrival time. That night I woke up screaming aloud. I could not recall the dream, only the feelings of it. I shortened my visit and drove back home.

I felt better after I shared the bad news with my boyfriend. He could not understand what happened, and I could not either. He was trying to comfort me; anyway, I did not believe he is able to help with the rejection.

I wrote to Kalani explaining the situation and asking for a better formal embassy letter. Nobody responded. I checked the internet for more information and my hope sank.

Slowly I started to understand that the rejection of the visa was a serious thing. Regarding it, my visa waivers expired. There was not an easy and fast way to visit the U.S. anymore. After about three weeks searching for possibilities I understood that only God could help with that. I gave up. I let it go. If there was a way to come together, I thought, it will show up. If it was what I felt it was, we will come together either way.

In November, Jeff planned to come to visit me in Germany. This was a joyful thought my heart however felt heavy like a stone though. I was endlessly grateful we had still this very one date. I could hold him one more time in my arms.

On November 20th, my boyfriend was on his way from Moscow to Hamburg. I could not wait to pick him up. The flight was delayed and forced me to wait many hours at the airport. I tried not to think about any negative thing like airplanes accidents but this was hard, having a big TV screen in front of me showing a documentary about airplane crashes.

Finally, I could hold him in my arms. The joy was overwhelming. We stand at the terminal hugging. Then we walked over to the parking area and stand at the car hugging for a long time. Eventually, we got into the car and moved on back to Bremen.

We looked forward to our ten wonderful days together. Shortly before Jeff’s visit, he asked me what I desire for my birthday gift for my birthday was coming up in November. He suggested a piece of jewelry so I asked him for earrings or a ring. But after he came to visit he didn’t mention anything and therefore didn’t I. It was OK, it wasn’t important. The biggest gift to me was him, having him close for the maybe last ten days before he left again.

Some of my friends suggested marriage as a way of coming together. However, it was not my way. I could not imagine building a relationship, and for sure not a marriage that way. I accepted that the situation was how it was.

One morning we finished eating breakfast, grabbed a freshly brewed cup of coffee and went back to the bedroom. We talked about different things jumping from topic to topic. Finally, Jeff asked me how I see our relationship. “I love you,” I answered little confused by his question, “doesn’t matter how the situation is.”

“How do you think about living together?”
“Well, right now it is kind of tricky to think about it.” I guess I tried to change the subject.
“What do you think about marriage?” Jeff looked frankly in my eyes.
“You mean if I would marry you? I think I would if you would ask me. But I don’t need to be married to you to be together with you. I love you.”

We quit talking and went out for a bike ride along the Werdersee (a lake in Bremen).

My desire was that we do something special together. In his childhood, Jeff lived in the south of Germany for three years. This led me to the idea to go to this area and have a look. I visited Bamberg many years ago and could not really remember it anymore.

But, of course, I knew that Bamberg is an awesome town with lots of historic building undestroyed during World War II. I quite surprised Jeff with booking three days in four stars hotel Residenzschloss in Bamberg.

This was the beginning of Christmas time and our first activity was to visit the famous Christmas Market in the historic town. We stayed in the town for hours eating bratwurst (sausage) and drinking glühwein (hot sweet wine with spices). I was surprised how well Jeff could deal with the cold. I was chilled to the bone and glad to be back in our luxury room.

The next morning greeted us with gray heavy clouds. It looked as if a snowfall could be an additional attraction for Jeff. We prepared to go down for the breakfast but Jeff was doing slow, looking for something.

I was dressing up in front of a big mirror when he called me to come. He was laying on the bed completely dressed. I came over curious and sat down on the bed. He presented to me a small wine-red velvet gift bag with obviously a small box inside it! The birthday gift I thought instantly, said it aloud and smiled.

I took the box out of the velvet bag to discover a second smaller box. I smiled wide. I anticipated a fanny birthday joke. The second box contained even a smaller box.

This box looked finally like a jewelry gift box what made me say “oh, my birthday gift! I thought you forgot about it, would be ok with …!” laughing, but I stopped middle in the sentence having a look into the opened gift box and seeing the ring. I intuitively knew that this was not a birthday gift.

The absolutely unexpected surprise hit me. I looked over to Jeff: “This is not a birthday gift, isn’t it?” he looked frankly into my face and said – I will never forget his words – “the blue diamond represents the Ocean you love so much and the black diamonds stay for the lava you love so much.” I was lost for words.

“I tried to find the right moment and right words but …”

“It is perfect.” Tears of joy ran down my cheeks. We hugged and kissed each other.

Little later we walked down to the breakfast room, a beautiful diamond ring on my finger.

I hope you enjoyed also this part of my journey. If you are curious about what happens next, join me in the following part of this story.

Sending much Love and Light your way!
Aloha, Jenna