The Journey to Myself. Part I

Have you ever dreamt of living in Hawaii? Many people do but for some reason, they never fulfill their dream. Some people do, come here to stay but leave after a while again once they found out that living nearby the volcano has its price. The most recent Kilauea Eruption in 2018 wiped out hundreds of homes in Leilani and Kapoho in the southeast part of Big Island.

What is my story with Hawaii? Did I have a big dream to come to Hawaii? No. Actually not. Everything started with a documentary I coincidentally found. I know. There are no coincidences.

Before I have never consciously dreamt about living in Hawaii, not even about visiting Hawaii. Beautiful but way too far and too expensive. But …

As far as I remember, I always have lived close to the water. Two of my places were at an inland waterway canal, one at a river and one just between a river and a lake. I often thought about living on one of the islands in the North Sea or even move to Mallorca or Malta both islands in the Mediterranean Sea, which I visited a few times and was fascinated by them.

But there was always the question that blocked the manifestation of the dream: How do I afford to pay for my living on the island that is way more expensive than living on the mainland and provides only very limited opportunities to earn money? Working as a Life and Learning Coach, I had to be close to a bigger town or city with access to schools and universities, and a variety of potential clients.

This way I never started more than thinking about it from time to time.

In 2013 after splitting up from my boyfriend, I started planning my move to improve my business situation. I needed my own office. I looked up offers on the internet which was kind of unpleasant job for the offers I found were too expensive for my budget. Anyway, I tried and used the visualization of my dream coming true and affirmations like the sentences below:

“I live in a beautiful place with lots of room for everything I need and desire, in nature, healthy and quiet, surrounded by lots of trees and plants, and sounds of nature as good as Peterswerder or Blockland or better.”

Peterswreder is a tiny island in a central part of Bremen, close to the city (only five minutes’ walk) and lying between the lake Werder See and the river Weser. Very beautiful! I loved to live there.

Blockland is another very beautiful part of Bremen, laying more in the countryside with a river Wümme flowing through the landscape secured by the dikes. The Blockland is a part of the marshes of the river Hamme, a tributary of the River Weser, and the River Wümme, and both of which are tidal rivers. That means that the water is moving up and down with the tide of the North Sea creating a completely different picture of that landscape. Without the dikes along the rivers, Blockland would be flooded twice a day.

In 2014 I received a fantastic offer – that wasn’t that fantastic with a closer look – to become a professor of psychology at the Applied University of Bremen and intensified my search for a new apartment. But nothing showed up.

In the Summer of 2014, I passed the application process at the university and was on my way to prepare my classes for the winter semester. This gave me the opportunity to take a second and a closer look at my employer and the way the employment was structured. It was a lot of work for a little money, a pattern that I did not want to continue in my life anymore. I cried and quit my position.

I felt that I needed to change my life. I felt that I was stuck somewhere in nowhere and could not continue that way. End of August I went to the coast of the Baltic Sea wandering on broad sand beaches from East Germany to Poland. I walked about 300 kilometers in quiet and meditation, came back home finding myself at the same spot.

I really needed a change.

One day at the end of September, I coincidentally found a documentary about Hawaii. I know, there are no coincidences. The beauty of the island and the Hawaiian Spirit of Aloha fascinated me. I wanted to learn more about it and was looking online for books about Hawaii. A book showed up with a German title “Hawaii – between Yoga, Lava, and Cooking Pots. Three Months in a Community in a Paradise” written by a German author. I had never read this book, but I searched for the community in the paradise, Kalani Ocean Retreat.

Kalani Honua, the Yoga and Meditation Retreat at the ocean does not exist anymore. But in 2014 I had to fight in my mind to make a big decision to go there or not to go.

As a self-employed coach working in the public educational system mostly for the universities, I did not earn very much money. I developed a lifestyle that allowed me to adjust to it and live a happy life doing what I wanted to do: to work on myself intensely, to help people to make the best of themselves and to write books. Therefore, I didn’t have much money, but I worked in alignment with myself and my goals.

However, I could not quit thinking about Kalani. It kept me capturing. The idea to spend three months of my life there was anchored deeply in my heart. It felt that I had to do it does not matter what. It was a call.
To make a decision was quite tricky for me as I worked as a self-employed coach. I was very aware of the fact that if I would go on this journey I would have to accept that I would not earn any money for three months, and without any income, I would have to pay simultaneously for living in Bremen and in Hawaii. Anyway, on October 22nd, 2014 I submitted my application to Kalani. I simply had to do it.

Kalani closed permanently in 2018 while the eruption was progressing. Kalani was known as Kalani Ocean Retreat or Kalani Honua. Richard Koob and Ernest Morgan founded it in 1975 in Lower Puna at the east side of Big Island. I came to Kalani for its 40th birthday.

When I came to Big Island in June 2015, I was almost overwhelmed by its beauty and its strong and pure energy that I felt everywhere. I instantly fell in love with this island.

The main reason I wanted to come to Kalani was to clear my mind and quiet my thoughts, so I could stay in the present moment and feel more.

Below you can have a sneak peek of what I stated in my application form.

Question:
Please share some insights about yourself: Where are you on your personal journey? What transitions will you make in order to come to Kalani?

My answer:
“I have worked for a long time in a scientific area, made some projects in the area of sociology, and finished my Ph.D. I worked hard and a lot. During the last project, I started training to become a coach, and I switched from university to self-employment. I started coaching and training of clients (individuals and groups) in skills for scientific work, project management, making decisions and setting goals, keeping healthy, etc. and I gave lectures at the university, and … I had hasted day after day through my life. On my way, I have developed many of my abilities and learned great skills to help others but suffered under a huge amount of work and too little social connection. This summer I stopped my running and went through the process of self-reflection. I decided to break the workaholic patterns. I have already changed some things and wish to improve more. I hope working as a volunteer in completely new environment supports my goal and helps me to open more for the life in the present moment, to enjoy and to work with other people in a better way.”

Question:
What goals do you want to accomplish during your time at Kalani? What do you hope to learn and experience while you are here?

Answer:
“I would love to experience life as a volunteer and do, see and feel other things then I do in my day after day life with books, concepts, and power points presentations. I serve my clients well, and I love to see them growing. But I would love also to serve free of a business background. Moreover very important to me is, to learn to be open in the present moment without thinking, what I have to do next, without having to plan every next step of the way. I want to experience myself in a very simple way. And I dream, once coming to Hawaii to stay forever, so I wish to learn everything about Hawaii.”

Thank you for joining me on my journey. Click here to continue to read.

 

Sending much Love and Light!

Aloha, Jenna