Mary’s Uncomfortable Retreat

Mary was already awake when the alarm sounded. Although her day just started, she didn’t feel like getting up and doing some work.

Her head felt foggy, and she wasn‘t able to focus her thoughts.

A random memory brought a big pile of paperwork to her awareness, sitting on her desk for days. Mary knew there was a lot of work to do, and she was already behind the schedule.

She would need to ask for more time. Sudden sadness squeezed her throat, and she felt a familiar tension in her chest as if a heavy block would rest on her.

Mary forced herself to get up. She slowly rolled out and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Why do I feel depressed?” She had been sitting there for a while until a random glance to the clock surprised her, pocking her instantly out off the bed.

Almost fifteen minutes passed by without noticing. Eventually, she walked into the kitchen. A few minutes later she entered the bathroom placing a cup of coffee on the edge of the washbowl.

It was 8:30 a.m. Mary has been up for over two hours. It was slowly getting easier. She looked in the strange-looking face staring at her from the mirror. “Why am I feeling depressed for no reason?“

She was familiar with these feelings. Two hours ago she didn’t want to do anything. It was a weird feeling, and it was a depressing feeling but it was a feeling known to her very well.

‘I like feeling depressed’, she stated and smiled.

This time she hasn’t begun questioning herself, why would she be feeling like this? This time she walked over to her desk, sat down, and placed a piece of paper and a pencil in front of her.

She started to realize that the main reason she felt that way was a habit she developed to relieve herself of too much work. She always became extremely energetic around other people, offering them favors and services of a different kind.

Mary loved to be popular, but she ended up working long hours without joy.

This time Mary decided to stay on top of these feelings and thoughts, even though she wasted some time that morning giving them space and “celebrating” them. A friend, whom she confided in her problem recently, shared with her three techniques to improve the ability to shift undesirable feelings and thoughts.

 

Three Techniques to Improving Your Mood

Using the three techniques Mary resolved her issue, and YOU can do it, too:

Technique 1, “The Work” developed by Byron Katie, is a great way to approach your feelings and thinking from a different perspective. In general, you will ask yourself four questions and answer them.

With Technique 2 you will be able to activate the feelings of appreciation and gratitude from the bottom of your heart.

The Technique 3, EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique or Tapping Technique was found by Gary Craig. It combines the psychological and physiological aspects of an emotional state. The Tapping helps to relax your body, supports your acceptance and willingness to change undesirable emotional and cognitive states.

In this blog, I will introduce to you Technique 1, how to use it and how the “Work” can have a huge impact on your mental and emotional health.

Please, read the following blog posts to learn more about the Technique 2 and 3.

 

Technique 1: What You Believe Is Your Truth! – Work with “Work”

What Mary did, was, creating for herself certain mental and emotional state that was helping her in achieving what she needed: Time and space for her, a retreat. To enter that space she needed to become depressed.

After she had practiced it for a while, she actually became depressed. It was her truth! Doing the “Work” she started to question that truth, asking herself the four following questions:

Question 1: Is it true (Yes or no. If no, move to question 3.)
Question 2: Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
Question 3: How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

Additional questions to Question 3:

• Does that thought bring peace or stress into your life?
• What emotions arise when you believe that thought?
• How do you treat the person in this situation when you believe the thought? How do you treat other people and yourself?

Question 4: Who would you be without the thought? Who or what are you without the thought?

The result was absolutely surprising! Mary not only found out that she was using her negative emotions to create a retreat for herself. She also understood that she had created a bad habit of thinking and feeling that she now uses arbitrarily, and on the autopilot, creating a depressed mood on and on.

Mary felt that the time was there for her to invest energy and time to change these patterns.

 

Our Brain Is the Mirror of Our Actions

Our brain that is involved in everything we think, feel, do or experience, is the mirror of all our actions. Every activity leaves a trace in the brain, and the information gets inscribed in the neurological circuits. Every repeatedly used trace in the neurological circuits deepens and can get activated more easily!

Because the brain is an energy monster and consumes up to 25% of all body energy; it is always trying to save as much energy as possible.

How can the brain save energy?

It likes to run on autopilot!
We think the same thoughts over and over again.

After a while, there is only an appropriate trigger necessary to set off an entire neurological reaction. The Neuroscientists call it “neurons that fire together wire together.“

How to Use “The Work”?

First off you need to reserve some time for the Work. One hour may be sufficient. However, block enough time to accomplish the entire process. Turn off all devices which could disturb your focus and interrupt the process (TV, radio, computer, smartphone, phone, what else? …).

Calm down and prepare for the Work taking several deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly and consciously.

In the second step you need to identify an emotion, thought, belief you want to analyze and change, and also find a short sentence describing the belief or thought, or an emotional state, you want to improve, as precise as possible.

In Mary’s case, there were two sentences she considered: “I’m feeling depressed for no reason”, and “I’m depressed for no reason.” She decided on the first one.

Please, write down YOUR appropriate sentence, you want to work on. Remember, please you need to be precise and concise. Use as little words as possible.

Here some example questions:

In the situation …. I feel … .

My partner makes me feel sad (or angry, stupid …)

Every time I meet my colleague, Carl he gives me a hard time.

I believe my neighbor doesn’t like me.

The second step is to analyze your sentence through all four questions. If needed, you can use the additional questions, which will deepen the process. It is very important that you are absolutely honest with you!

To get the best possible results to answer the questions in the best possible way! Be generous of you and know that there aren’t wrong or silly answers. Take your concern seriously and pay attention to your feelings. Analyze only one issue at the time. Look into it, take it apart, gain the benefits. Write them down.

 

Results of Mary’s Work with “Work”

Mary wrote down her sentence: “I‘m feeling depressed for no reason” and asked the first question.

Is it true? “Yes,” she wrote down. As soon as she saw her answer written down, she started to question is. “Yes, I’m feeling depressed. But is there any reason for it?

She continued with the second question: Can you absolutely know that it’s true? The answer felt that time like “No.” She noticed a strong emotion evolving from her answer. “No, there is a reason.”

She asked the third question: How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought? “I feel small, like a child,” she thought. “Small and not capable to perform well.”

She decided to use the additional questions for her work: Does that thought bring peace or stress into your life? “Both, it brings both, peace, because I allow myself to take time for myself. But, it is also stressful for me not using my time to work.

She leaned back in her chair and understood that she was working most of her time. Additionally, she helped people around her a lot: people, whom she trained, her sisters, her friends.

“And who is helping me?”

She saw that she needed to balance her daily tasks better, blocking more time for herself. Even though she loved her work so much, she urgently needed sufficient intermissions and this not only occasionally, once a while. She planned to install quality time for herself every single day!

Who would you be without the thought? Who or what are you without the thought?

 

“I would feel stronger, more independent, I would have to say No more often.”

Thinking these words, she felt an intense bodily reaction. “Yes, I will practice saying No from now on.”

 

Now it is YOUR turn to do your “Work”!

Please, grab a pen and paper and write down your sentence. Reserve enough time for the process and don’t allow anybody and anything to bother you! Here are the questions:

Question 1: Is it true (Yes or no. If no, move to question 3.)
Question 2: Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
Question 3: How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

Additional questions to Question 3:

• Does that thought bring peace or stress into your life?
  
• What emotions arise when you believe that thought?
  
• How do you treat the person in this situation when you believe the thought? How do you treat other people and yourself?
  

Question 4: Who would you be without the thought? Who or what are you without the thought?

 

How Do You Feel Now?

After you have done the “Work”-process you may feel released, freed, tired or even exhausted. Whatever shows up, accept it, please. Know, that your subconscious mind continues to work on that issue until it is resolved! You may get additional impulses on how to continue.

Be sure that all answers, you need will appear when it is the right time for you. It could be beneficial you carry a little notebook the following days, to be able taking notes whenever necessary. It will also show your subconscious that you are serious about it!

I hope you enjoyed the process and gained many benefits from it.

I would love to read your comment about how the process worked out for you, and the experience you made. So, please take a couple of minutes and give me feedback!

If you have any questions, please, send them also! I would love to support you on your way!

Please, join me in the next part of the blog. Continue to read here.

Until then all the best for you!

Aloha, Jenna

Live up to you!